You cannot ruin your life. There is no master plan that you can hijack and cause everything to be spoiled.
Since life is a game, and only a game, breaking the rules is OK, and you cannot really lose. You might think you have lost, but someday you will pack up the board, put away the pieces, and realize that nothing of value was ever lost. Since there is no master plan for your life, you cannot marry the wrong person, lose the job you were supposed to have, miss the meeting with your soul mate, or do anything else that could permanently spoil things. Since there are no things to spoil, everything works out for the good of your soul. Let yourself and everyone else off the hook right now. No one ruined your life, not even you. It cannot be done. Your life is created each moment of each day. It is always beginning and always ending. We are all making it up as we go along.
So, relax. You are creating a beautiful work of art with your life.
Think of your favorite movies. Does everything go smoothly? Are they sometimes tragic? So, too, in your life. And you write, direct, and act out your own life story, you take on roles as conquering hero, tragic martyr, suffering renegade, and so on. Enjoy the roles. Know that you can always re-write anything. You can re-cast the other players, change the setting, and rewrite your character at any moment. As soon as you realize that you have final script approval, it all can change.
The real you, not the role that you played day after day, will be around long after the movie is over. So, who are you? Who is the real you? The ego dislikes this question, because it draws out the truth that your ego and your rules and your stories are not who you really are. What do you feel when the mind is completely still and quiet joy fills your heart, and your whole being seems to exist completely apart from your body? That is you.
Most of us find it difficult to get in touch with our true selves. The mind and body keep us very busy. You can tap into the real you at any moment, however.
Take a deep breath in, and as you let it out, feel your entire body relax. Bring your attention to your heart. Feel as if you are sitting inside your heart, as if you are seeing the world from its viewpoint. How does it feel? Listen a little deeper, but stay aware of your heart. Start to expand your awareness out from your heart, down into your abdomen, up into your chest. Feel your neck and head. Feel down your arms into your hands. Expand your heart’s awareness into your legs and feet. Be aware of your whole body. Feel love and compassion fill your entire being. As your heart beats, feel who you are from your heart.
It takes only moments to know your heart.