“We are only as sick as our secrets.”-Debbie Ford
We all want to think of ourselves as good people. There is a huge problem with this want. Labeling ourselves as “good” means that we must disallow a large part of our actual experience of life. After all, good people don’t have bad feelings like anger, hatred, lust, selfishness, and pride.
So, we must either not let ourselves know that these feelings are happening, or we must create reasons to justify the feelings. This reasons usually involve making the other person into a “bad guy.” This causes us to hide from others, to be ashamed, and to blame others.
When a person has to hide any part of human experience within themselves, it takes a great deal of energy. The constant suppression of feelings and thoughts saps a person’s ability to live and to enjoy life and experience life.
Trying to cover up or repress and excuse feelings effectively makes us BE nowhere at all. Hiding from parts of ourselves does not allow us to be in the moment. Hiding from others also keeps us from being in the moment. If we are denying our experience, we cannot be. Avoiding feelings through addiction, denial, checking out, and blame also blocks us from experience. In essence, we cease to be at those times.
Not being is far more painful than any other human experience.
In our efforts to see ourselves as good people, we cease to be ourselves, something that causes far more pain in ourselves and in the world.
An acceptance of all of the parts of our life experience, including selfishness, mistakes, anger, fear, and every other “undesirable” emotion and thought, allows us to be whole people. It keeps us from judging and blaming, and thus causing distance between ourselves and others. It allows us to be genuine. We can be in the moment, accepting what arises, and then deciding what to do with it.
If we deny our feelings, then we are actually MORE likely to act on them, even when we don’t want to. If you repress anger now, it will escape later—probably in an unpleasant or inappropriate way. If we acknowledge anger now, we can let it speak to us and hear its message, and then decide on an action to take.
Allowing your feelings to be what they are can save you so much grief in the long run. So, stop trying to be good. Stop worrying about whether others see you as a good person. Just be you. Who you are is definitely good enough.